Woke?

Suddenly, everyone is aware of the issues at hand. Suddenly, everyone is vocally active. Suddenly, everyone is “woke”. It is a down right shame to live in an era where freedom of speech is abused, where there’s a google quote for every situation and everyone swears that by posting lengthy Instagram captions, they are familiar with the way of the world.

Unfortunately everyone has a right to an opinion, no matter how stupid, to say the least, that it is. People abuse the underlying power of social media and would rather hashtag mere words than actually try to help issues that hit home. Not everyone can help, but those who can should try. We are on God’s green earth to give and receive love, yet we abuse the ones who love us and chase after those who do not wish us well.

There is an evident tip in life’s scale of balance, just look around you, look at everything that is happening in the world. Some people describe it as the end of our time, that God is coming back for his world. If this is true, what will you be doing? Will you die adding fuel to the fire?

I understand that public figures and celebrities have a huge following that does not mean that we should depend on them to speak up for us! If we come together for the greater good our voices WILL be heard! Then the conflict presents itself where persons pressure public figures and celebrities to speak up and bash them if they don’t, yet these same persons bash these very public figures and celebrities if they do speak up! Make up small minds!

And then there are those who debate that persons are not addressing all the issues happening in the world, but only the ones happening in certain countries. Since you know of other unlawful acts, other gruesome attacks on the innocent, why don’t YOU speak on them? Why don’t YOU raise awareness? Why do YOU only address these things to prove an arrogant point?

There is a war going on, deeper than we can see. By the time the rest of you notice this it will be too late. Is it then that you’ll really wake up?

 

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Living or Simply Existing?

Have you put much thought into which one you’re doing? I know my life may not be the most exciting but I do strive to enjoy it until my time is up. Many people are not aware that they are unhappy, or stagnant, stuck in a routine that they can’t afford to break free from because they do not know what awaits them. But isn’t that a chance you should be willing to take?

There have been many times that I’ve been extremely thankful for doing things on impulse because if I waited until I was ready, I’d never be ready. Looking back, whether the result was good or bad, though more than half the time it was good, I was happy I took the chance I did. I’ve made amazing memories which I cherish and in the moment I was happier than I had ever been before. A feeling of pure bliss and enchantment that does not happen everyday but when it does, it makes a huge difference.

How many of us know people who are merely existing but are not living? How many of us are doing this ourselves? Too many people are walking blank slates without a drop of paint, a blank page with no notes, blank material with no thread. We hear but we do not listen, we speak to reply but not to understand, our family and friends dictate our lives, trying to live through us, criticizing us along the way but are you happy living like this?

Today, I challenge you to do something spontaneous, pack your bags, take a trip and disappear. Do something you’ve always wanted to, experience life. Once you get a taste of life’s high, you’ll know where you stand with your inner peace. Do not be constrained by the woes of life. Now, answer this question, are you living or simply existing?

The Teacher

Throughout my lifetime it seems I have been blessed with a curse to add to other people’s lives while wasting mine. I’ve always been the shoulder to lean on, an amazing lover and friend and yet I always end up alone.

I’m tired of my path intertwining with temporary people who always make me feel as if I was better off without them yet they always make it known to me how good I am and how I helped them. But where is my help? My shoulder to lean on? My permanent?

When will I meet someone who means what they say for more than the moment? Who’s actions match their words? Why am I always the one who has to give themselves in order to help someone else become better just so they can leave?

I guess all students have to move on, but I’m tired of being the teacher and for once would like to be taught. I do deserve that much, to finally connect to someone who will make me realize why everyone else was a waste of time.

I’m told that everything you go through is either a blessing or a lesson, but I never received a lesson I found useful when it involves intimate relationships. Where is my blessing?  Why must I endure the hardship after giving so much only to be left behind as easily as I was found?

I’ve been patient for long enough and the hour glass of life may soon run out, sincerely, the teacher.

Black Is Beautiful

I am not here for false praise and surely don’t need your recognition to identify my self value. I am a beautiful black woman, the daughter of a king and queen, the sister of a prince, and a soon to be queen, mother, wife, one of the many miracles of life.

Many women of color are categorized into different shades as if we are not all black. It is not a compliment to say to me that I am “pretty for a black girl” or to ask me “What are you mixed with?” I am black, point blank period and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I embrace people from all walks of life yet persons seem to associate being black with all things bad because the minds of our people have been poisoned for centuries and many may not notice and it is not slight and I do not understand why people think that this is right.

What’s so wrong with the melanin in my skin and the golden glow and strength that it brings? Light skin, caramel, chocolate or brown skin and black? The outsiders have gotten into our mental homes and led us to separate and go against each other as if being of a lighter shade, anything further away from black is what is ideal.

I do not wish to be praised on social media over another trend because when trends die I will still be who I am, forever and always, a carefree, unapologetic black girl with her charms, skills, and brain. Beneath the flesh we are all human beings, created in the image of our father, the supreme one, God, whichever name you may choose. So, what could I possibly have to lose in embracing who am I?

Black is beautiful, my black is beautiful, black women are beautiful, and if you cannot see this and break free from the poisonous way of thinking that has been shoved down your throats then you are not the beholder in which beauty lies in his eyes.

Give To Get Respect

All my life there has always been a female who hates me solely because of a guy and as usual, her brainless friends will hate me solely because their friend does. Throwing insults at someone who has done nothing to you but you’d rather feed into the lies he tells you. One too many females would prefer to fight or insult another woman when her man is the problem. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been slandered by another female over her cheating boyfriend who did not make it known that he was already in a relationship. I’ve been labelled a Christian, a saint, quiet, a whore, a broke bitch, ugly, a skinny twig, among so many other things and why you may ask? Because a female would rather throw subliminal messages than confront her cheating man.

I’ve never had to confront another female over a guy in my life and I most certainly will not start now. I prefer to be alone than to be stuck on stupid and chase a man that does nothing but lie, use me for attention and sex then continue to date other people while leaving me to look stupid. You can’t imagine how many of these types of females I’ve met. I’ve had female “friends” who, instead of coming to me directly because they may have heard something or I may have done something to offend them, would prefer to run and tell everybody but me what is going on, often times people they only know via social media. Then when push comes to shove and they realized that I did nothing wrong they want to apologize, but see honey, I don’t play those games.

Come to me as the grown woman you claim to be or don’t come to me at all. Instead of trying to tear down your fellow woman to make yourself feel better when in fact you only look more pathetic and desperate, how about you give to get respect? If you stand for nothing, you fall for everything. Why not try to uplift your fellow sisters instead of spreading rumors to break them down? Why not empower each other with the truth and rise to be better than you have ever been? Women argue about equality and feminism all day on social media but are the most quick to use their tongue to hurt another of their own. If the words you spoke would be imprinted on your skin, would you be more careful of the things you say? Would you want people to know that your soul is that UGLY? I would prefer to be cut by the truth than comforted with a lie because I will heal, and I will be better.

Its even more hilarious when these same people try to befriend you after slandering you. Respect must be earned and must come from YOU and not from a place of attention seeking. Women have had to fight for too many things in this world, why can’t we all come together to make it a little easier on ourselves?

I Choose Happiness

I thought I found “him”. The “him” that every woman hopes to find, the “him” that could ease my worried mind, the “him” that made me think it would last forever…. but boy, was I wrong. I knew him for years and we were together for 14 months, I was so attached, so drawn, so hooked, I thought I found “him”. We argued about little things, a lot of things, we didn’t speak for days. We spent as much time together as we could, we’d talk everyday, I only had eyes for “him”. We were so different yet so similar in mental and physical ways, the first time I fell in love and I swore I found “him”.

I told my family about him, I let him in. I wanted it, I needed it but soon I came to realize a few things. See, I’m very territorial when it comes to mine, at times I felt like I was wasting my time because one after the other “they” would pop up but he wouldn’t put his foot down in the right way. They didn’t respect him or me, but they wanted what they could see. Dirty looks, rumors and subliminal messages thrown but I am one person who will not be dethroned. Never to my face but behind my back so ain’t nobody got time for that. I destroy threats as soon as they arise, but cutting them off for me? Of course there was no surprise that it didn’t happen. “They” said whatever they wanted but only I would hear because he thinks ignoring it all would make it disappear.

And then it got worse, and all communication stopped and I knew what was coming next. It was over….. My fragile heart was shattered into a billion pieces, and it replayed in my head every day for months. I ran out of tears and went numb, having died a million deaths. All I could think of were all the promises he made, and suddenly it was as if it was all my fault, somehow… Abandoned, wounded, dead inside, I had no one but myself. Where was the person who promised to be there forever? Making business and family plans, buttering me up all to well, only to have it all fall apart.

New year, new argument, and that was the last time I took your shit, your belittling attitude and cold tone. I bet you don’t remember half of what you said or half of “us” for that matter. I stopped the tape, no more replays. I chose to dust myself off and be happy! One of the best decisions I’ve made in a long while. If you weren’t sad then why should I be? You certainly bounced back easily but I guess what they say is true, when u break up with someone mentally months before, or you had your eye on them all along. I kept my distance and minded my business. I starting writing again, I got more focused, I left the past in the past and I’m moving forward. I went through it all, all by myself, and my eyes have never been opened wider. I enjoy being alone, dancing in the mirror, laughing at life’s jokes. God tends to not give us what we ask for to teach us that we should aim for more, or gives us what we want to show that it was not for us. I left so much unsaid because it made no sense, I’d rather leave it all behind. I hope to one day find “him”, but I am in no rush, enjoying my life and living with new found wisdom. Being by myself and learning about me is all I needed. I don’t know if the love is hiding or if it has left, but I still do care, if you may ever need a listening ear. Maybe I’m too good of a person, but one day soon the right one will take me as I am, love and appreciate all of me, and allow his actions to support and not contradict his words. “Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead” – Adele

I Am More Than My Body

20 and a half is the amount of time I have been blessed with to walk the earth, two decades of having mixed feelings, self doubt and even depression. Growing up, being a simple girl, I was never really accepted with the “in” crowd. I had many friends, or so I’d like to think, but not for long. I had to learn on my own, something they do not teach you in school, something your parents may not tell you about, something you have to dig deep to grasp, and that was self love.

I was often teased about my appearance because I was very slim with bow legs, a trait that seemed to have been passed down to me by my father. I am roughly 5’6″, very petite, and found it extremely hard to gain weight due to my high metabolic rate, but this was not something I cared to explain. School can be cruel, a place that felt like prison with inmates from various places with different backgrounds and while having problems of their own, decided to make themselves feel better by throwing insults at other persons who are just a bit different. Not everyone grew up in a rough and tough manner and being the quiet, withdrawn person I mostly am, I did not know how to deal with it. In high school I became mildly depressed with a snappy attitude and quickly developed a strong dislike for school, waiting for the clock to strike 2:30pm Monday to Friday. I did not want to partake in physical activities or any activity that required me to change out of my uniform because I did not want to be seen. Walking by my fellow school mates who would call me names and snicker as I passed by and why? Because I did not have much physical assets for my age. Because I did not blossom into a voluptuous woman.

I hated my appearance and no one could change my mind. I did not go out on weekends, I did not want to look at myself in the mirror, I was upset clothing bought over a year ago could still fit! I was a very good student but I tried my best to make as few interactions as possible. I have been rejected by guys because I am “too skinny” and have been told to “gain weight and try again”. But then I did some research of my own, I decided to stop cowering, I decided to take these insults about my body with a grain of salt, I stepped out of my shell the day I reached within and decided that I will not play the victim anymore. Yes, I’m slim, I’m beautiful and I love myself no matter how many times you choose to comment on my weight.

In recent times, although people still comment on my body, because of the way in which I carry myself, I have been getting more positive than negative comments. I am now able to embrace myself with confidence, my petite body, my beautiful black skin, my big head and my bow legs. I have blossomed into the woman I was meant to become and have found people who accept me for who I am at all times. Many people think that body shaming only exists when a person has a more voluptuous body or when someone is overweight but this is not so. I have been accused of starving myself, among other things when this is so far from the truth. So, take me with my pointy hip bones, exposed collar bones and skinny fingers or leave me alone, because I love myself and I Am More Than My Body.