Public Harassment

I have grown to accept things that should not be in this day and age. Men in society have shown me how truly disgusting they can be. At 22 years old, to the majority I look 18, and so being approached by men who are old enough to be my father or older, making sexual remarks makes my skin crawl. Do you ever stop to think about how you would feel if I was your daughter? I guess not.

The piercing looks, the smirks, the physical contact, the disgusting comments, all being thrown upon females by strangers. Once refused, the backlash and insults thrown in retaliation is just as disgusting. Women are so oversexualized that even fully clothed, minding our own business, men think they have the free will and right to harass us, as if it is nothing.

Gone are the days we would look up to men to protect us, instead we worry, walk in group and calmly reply in hopes that we wont be trailed or beaten by men who simply cannot take “no” for an answer. Walking alone has become a fearful experience whether at night or during daylight. Its hard enough being a woman in what seems to be a “man’s world”, cant we go about our lives peacefully?

I am by no means saying all men are like this, but there are far too many men and far too many acts of abuse to sit back and act like these things aren’t happening. Regardless of what I say, where I’m going or what I’m wearing, I’m NOT asking for it.

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Working At A Call Center

I was so excited to get my first job, after turning 21 I felt like I NEEDED to get out of my shell of being taken care of by my parents and branching out to do my own thing. I didn’t know anything about job hunting, I checked various websites, newspaper ads, radio and television broadcasts because I was determined to be independent. Hell, I wanted to move out at 18, lol. What I was yet to discover was that being an adult is WAY harder than your parents make it seem.

In the beginning, I was super excited about having a job because I was getting paid, I was building experience and I was networking. I am honestly very grateful for the opportunity but working at a call center is by far the most annoying, emotionally draining, frustrating thing I’ve ever had to do. Maybe having a 9-5 isn’t for everybody but how can I find a job when every employer wants the highest level of qualifications and experience? How am I supposed to build this experience fresh out of college? It’s ridiculous.

I see why so many young people try to find innovative ways to make money because trying to get a job in this era is hard and what makes it harder is the poor management of the crap company you get stuck working for. Growing up things weren’t always easy, but my parents made it seem easy to keep everything together and mask whatever issues we were facing. Bumping heads with my parents made me vow to move out at 18, finish school, find a job, an apartment, take care of myself, but boy oh boy was I wrong.

The only thing I’ve learnt is how poor, shitty and unfair working for someone else is. But until better comes along, what else can I do? I don’t know how people look down on other persons for having a certain type of job because working for someone else is horrible. Honestly, truly, I can’t wait to ignore my alarm clock and get paid on my own terms.

New Begininngs

Its been a while since I’ve penned my thoughts and since my last post so much has changed. Over the past four months or so I got my first physical job, and even though working for someone else is no where near pleasing and I’m currently fighting the urge to resign I’ve met some amazing people who I’m sure I’ll never forget. I’ve learnt so much, so much that they didn’t teach me in school, so much about how the world works and how cruel people can be.

Working in customer service can really be a pain in the ass. Being the first point of contact for a confused, angry customer who blames you because you represent the company that services them can really put a damper on your day. Outside of that, there are days of pure joy and fun with the persons I’ve met so far. I’m really out here being a full fledged adult, saving, investing, taking care of myself and my family, which feels amazing by the way. Getting my foot through the door is just the beginning for me, and regardless of the situation I’ll keep on pushing.

Nothing new in regards to my love life, I’ve been single for about four months, dating but not interested in a relationship. Still not in a rush to find “the one” but I do have my eyes on someone. Having been through so much already, I’ll go with the flow and see how this plays out.

Overall, 2017 has so far been a year of change, growth and improvement. I am blessed beyond belief and proud of where I am, but I’m looking forward to the beauty of what is coming next. I am beginning to understand my path, my purpose and to keep achieving my goals.With Christ in the vessel, I can smile at the storm.

Is Your Boyfriend Your Bank?

Ladies, gentlemen, let’s chat, shall we?

I came across an exhausting debate on Twitter where both women and men voiced their opinions on if and when men should give their female companions money. Some men said that they do not give their girlfriends money because they are not a source of income, while others do not mind spending on and giving their girlfriends money, whether she asked for it or not. A few of the men who disagreed went as far as saying if he asked her to buy something at a supermarket he expects his change along with the item.

Some women disapproved saying they do not feel comfortable taking money from their boyfriends because they feel as though it gives men a sense of control over them, while other women do not mind having a companion who will financially pamper them and help them with the bills.

In all honestly, it’s not a necessity but I don’t see an issue in it. It all comes down to what you and your partner agree on in your relationship and that’s nobody’s business but your own. If you or your partner are not in a position to give your significant other a few extra coins, no problem, and if you can, still no problem.

What I have noticed is that most of the men who complained and said it’s not their duty to upkeep a woman, which in truth and in fact it is not, are the ones aiming for women who are use to a certain lifestyle that these men know they cannot maintain but pursue high maintenance women anyway! I’m absolutely positive there are a ton of women who would be happy with what you have to offer so why not aim for them? Oh, that’s right, because men tend to bash “normal” or “plain” looking women for women who look like video vixens.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with women who look like that, but we both know they would never give you the time of day. So, how about you stay in your lane?  If a woman wants a sugar daddy, why is it so appalling to you? I’m so very tired of people being more concerned about everybody else’s business but their own.

Many of these women are employed and in steady relationships but really, if you’re in a tight spot and can’t ask your significant other for a few coins, what are you doing? Do not wash, cook, clean, and lay with a man who can but refuses to help you if need be especially if you are not married. That’s just my take on this, feel free to comment your thoughts below.

The Kinks in my Hair

Ever since I took the step to cut off my permed or “relaxed” hair and allow my hair to grow back in its natural form, I have noticed the way people look at me when I decide to go out in public with an afro. Many persons have said they love the “natural look” and Rastafarian men refer to me as “Empress” while others, ask me “When are you going to comb your hair?” or “Why does your hair look like that?”

I can assure you, my hair is combed, thoroughly picked with my soul comb and my hair “looks like that” because that is the way is grows from my scalp, how else is it supposed to look? I believe people forget that no two persons are the same and my personal preference does not have to be yours. People seem to only like or praise natural hair when it’s curly and accompanied by light brown skin. This stigma of having “pretty hair” is just that and is what is deemed acceptable to wear any way the person likes.

Firstly, let me clearly state that I have no issue at all with anyone who has a different hair type than mine, as mine is a mixture of kinks, curls, and some straight strands, but I am extremely annoyed at the mentality some people have and constant cry of “freedom of speech” and “right to having an opinion”. I didn’t ask you for suggestions on my hair nor do I tell you what to do with yours or lack thereof.

It is bad enough that in some parts of the world, women with naturally kinky hair are being suspended and even expelled from school and given notices at work because of the way their hair grows from their scalp. Being told to “comb” it because it LOOKS dirty or because it is distracting other persons in the environment, which most times is entirely false. In the year 2016, things like this are only one of the MANY issues women face on a daily basis. Not to point fingers, but when a white person imitates hair styles which are predominately black, they are said to look “trendy” but God forbid a black woman do such a simple thing.

Why should we have to “tame” or straighten our hair to be deemed socially acceptable on a certain level of professionalism? Why should I be forced to fit in when I was obviously made to stand out? In a world where so many things have changed over the years, why did this old fashion way of thinking stick? How is my hair affecting my performance? Show me the facts or excuse me while I moisturize my hair with coconut oil.

How To Get Over Your Ex

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been in love at least once in our lives, and when that fairy tale ended and the smoke cleared, like many of us you didn’t know what to do. So my friend, if you are currently experiencing heartbreak I’m here to give you some tips that helped me move on.

  1. Delete the Memories

This is the first thing I do when a relationship ends. If you’re like me and you aren’t into “on again, off again” childish relationships and you know it’s actually over, it makes no sense to hoard the pictures, messages, promises, their number and gifts, especially if the break up was bad. Unfortunately we cannot delete memories but this is the next best thing! Save yourself the torture of going through everything and wondering where things went wrong. Delete, delete, delete!

      2. Vent When Necessary

It doesn’t have to be to someone, but releasing how you feel is critical in the healing process. Don’t become one of those broken persons who ruin everyone they come across because they don’t know how to handle their emotions. Hell, you can even vent to your ex! Never let someone who hurt you tell you how to behave, because they don’t get to decide that they didn’t. Talk about it, write it down, cry it out, let it out in any healthy way you choose.

      3. Check For Who Checks For You

Just because I said you can vent to your ex doesn’t mean you should blow their phone up, especially if they can’t find the time of day to at least ask you if you’re okay. Delete his or her number if you have to, there is no shame in it! He or she is an ex for a reason, remember that. Now is the time to check for all the red flags you overlooked throughout the relationship.

       4. What’s For You Will Always Be

A lot of people like to say “If it’s meant to be, it will be” and “What’s for me, will always be for me” but hey, sometimes things don’t work out no matter how hard you try, and that’s okay. Personally, I think that if a relationship isn’t going to work out it would be a waste of my time to be in it in the first place. But, later on in life some people do get back together. This doesn’t mean you should sit around waiting on the person to come back to you though.

        5. Things Take Time

One thing I must stress is to never rush the process. Do not be one of those persons who jump from one relationship to the next in only a couple of months. Take time to be by yourself, learn about yourself and most importantly, love yourself. Self love is the best love and you’re much stronger than this painful moment you feel stuck in. I was single for a whole year after I got my heart broken but now, I’ve never been better.

     6.  Pick Your Poison

Mine happens to be writing and music. This blog is a result of me needing a place to put my thoughts. I listen to music more than the average person and I can honestly say it has helped me get through A LOT. Alive by Sia certainly gave me a breath of fresh air and I went from Rihanna’s Stay to Needed Me real quick.

If you have any advice, or tips and tricks about relationships, feel free to comment below and help a friend!

Characteristics of a Role Model

Knowing the future of our existence looks up to you is a beautiful thing, but this very thing is robbed of its beauty when perfectionism is put into play. Absolutely no one is perfect, so placing someone of a certain ranking on a pedestal and highlighting their every move only confines the person into a box of YOUR expectations.

Take for example, Malia Obama, 18- A number of remarks were made because she was recently recorded and photographed at an event being a normal teenager and having fun with her friends. Many adults took to social media to express their disappointment in her behavior and do not want their children looking up to her.

My thing is, if your child is so weak minded that he or she would copy every single thing another person does, who they do not know or have ever met, don’t you think something is wrong with the way you raised your child or the way in which your child thinks? I understand that young children like to copy super heroes and princesses but they will grow out of this stage, as a child never likes one thing for too long once they discover something else.

Why aren’t YOU your child’s role model? Why are you placing that responsibility on someone else? Why does a role model almost always have to be a famous person? Have you ever stopped to think that people do what makes them happy and not what you hope they’ll do while you watch them through the media? Why were strangers recording and videoing a person they don’t know and have never met? Oh, because she’s the President’s daughter, right? Because she’s in the eye of the media she’s supposed to act perfect only to be ridiculed by you for doing something YOU don’t approve of, right?

What were you doing at her age? Why don’t you lead a life that your children will aspire towards? Don’t get me wrong here, having a role model is fine, but perfectionism is not what most people try to portray as they go about their daily lives, so why force it on them? I didn’t have a role model when I was a child and I turned out quite fine. Save your judgement and blame your child’s ill behavior on the root of the issue.

Instill a positive mindset into your child and he or she will keep that mindset forever. Even though children do not always grow up  reflecting the way they were raised, which could play out good or bad, let’s not be so quick to judge based on what we see through the media which is controlled by someone else.

Breast Is Best

As a mother, you will learn that the number one way to give your child proper nourishment is by breast feeding. The skin to skin bonding process while feeding the life you brought into this world is incomparable. By maintaining a healthy diet, you create a tummy full of nutrients packed with powerful immune system enhancing mechanisms that help your little bundle of joy grow health and strong. And yet, in today’s society, breastfeeding has become so sexualized that women who do so in public are shunned.

A very young baby cannot speak, hence you cannot tell the child to “wait” for you to find somewhere appropriate to feed him or her. Sticking a boob in a baby’s mouth is one of the fastest ways to stop a baby from fussing or crying and no one likes a grumpy, crying baby. So then, tell me why in different parts of the world are women being asked by strangers to “move” or “leave” areas as simple as a park bench for breastfeeding their child?

Were you not breastfed as a child? Who are you to look down on women who breastfeed their children in public? How is it bothering you? Would you like some milk? Women have been oversexualized so much over the years that taking a breast out in public is a cry for attention and showing little to no self pride. Discriminating against a mother who is only trying to take care of her child by providing one of the most basics needs, food, should in no way, shape or form be an issue.

A child walking past a woman breastfeeding her baby will only think of it as such, so why then do you, a grown man think its immoral? There are many lessons to be learned from or children.

Back To My Roots

I had processed/permed hair for about 6 years before I got bored and decided to chop it all off. First to my shoulders, then into a mohawk to finally transitioning from permed to natural. As my hair grew out I’d clip the processed ends off until all my hair was completely natural. I must say I missed my natural hair so much and love watching it grow now. Many women have decided to stop perming their hair and did a big chop to grow their natural hair back from scratch. I’m all for helping my sisters, so here are some tips and tricks I learned from experience in case you need help!

1. Just Do It!

If your hair is damaged or if you’re tired of getting burned by hair creme don’t be afraid to cut your hair. Keeping damaged ends will only prolong the damage and make your hair weaker.

2. You Don’t Have To Do The Big Chop, You Can Transition

Sometimes, the big chop isn’t the right move. Women have done it and regretted it. If you don’t think you’ll feel comfortable being bald then feel free to let your hair grow out and gradually get your ends trimmed.

3. Contrary To Popular Belief, Maintaining Natural Hair Is Expensive

Girl, I thought having natural hair meant going to the hair salon less and spending less money! You better save that salon money to buy your products! Not all brands are expensive, but you’ll need to buy a lot of different products to help your hair healthy. My favorite brand that I swear by is Creme of Nature with Argan Oil from Morocco. There products smell amazing and make my hair feel the same. Very cost efficient and each set lasts for a good three months or so, depending on how often you use them.

4. Protective Styles Are Your New Bestfriends!

Its best not to constantly touch your hair, give it space and let it breath. I love doing twist outs and getting braids, keeping them for three weeks and them pulling them out to give my hair a break for a week or too. This way I don’t always have to worry about combing it.

5. Deep Condition Into Oblivion

I absolutely love deep conditioning my hair! I probably do it a little too much, lol! Deep conditioning your hair is a great way to treat it and allow it to retain some moisture after stripping it with shampoo. If your girlfriend doesn’t run out of conditioner before shampoo, she ain’t doing something right.

6. Keep Your Hair Moisturized 

Major key, moisture. It may not look dry to you but when the sun hits it, giirrrlll. Always, always, always moisturize your hair. Don’t question me, just do it! Light weight products are the best to use because they don’t weigh down your hair and aren’t too thick to cause dirt and dust particles to get stuck in it

7. You Still Need To Trim Your Ends

Just because your hair isn’t bone straight, doesn’t mean it can’t break. You still need to get your ends clipped every couple of months to retain length and get rid of any damage, especially if you’re still using heat on your hair.

8. Things Take Time

Do not rush the process, everyone is different and hair grows only half an inch a month. Don’t over use products and stress yourself, and in turn your hair because you don’t think its growing fast enough. This is about having natural, healthy hair. Drinking a lot of water, exercising, using natural oils that stimulate hair growth, and eating greener foods and salmon is said to help boost the speed at which hair grows, in case you were wondering.

I hope I educated a few of my sisters and if you know of any other tips and tricks, feel free to comment below and help another sister out.

Period Hacks Every Female Should Know

Yup, not a topic the males want to hear about but I’m pretty sure the one thing every female has in common is the HATE for their menstrual cycles. Guys may think its “not so bad” or think its cute to blame certain behavior on periods but its actually one of the most terrible things I’ve ever had to experience for the past decade! So, to help out my fellow sisters, here are some hacks that may help you fight back when its that time of the month.

1. Use a Period App to Track Your Cycle

  Though these apps may not always be 100% on point, its good to know the time frame in which “dooms day” could happen. Your period may be a day or two early or late but recording the days and symptoms with the app helps you to determine when your period will start and how long it will last. You can record and compare each month’s cycle and symptoms with one of the many easy to use apps such as my personal favorite, Period Diary, among others.

2. Bring a Period Kit

I know this may sound a little weird, but every female should have one! Keep a period kit in your bag at all times because accidents happen and your cycle will change over time. All you need is a small pouch that can fit into your bag of choice and within this pouch you should have essentials such as a sanitary pad or tampon, clean cotton underwear, wipes or tissue and a disposable plastic bag. This way if you have an accident you can easily grab your pouch and get to the nearest bathroom.

3. Take Pain Medication a Day or Two BEFORE the Expected Start Date

Don’t wait until you’re bent in bed, throwing up last night’s dinner and crying before attempting to do something about the pain. If you’re like me and suffer from Dysmenorrhea ( a fancy word for painful periods), then you know prevention is better than a cure! Take a pill or two before your menstrual cycle starts in order to keep the pain to a minimum or to prevent it all together.

4. Drink Tea or Use a Heating Pad

Ginger tea soothes my stomach and keeps the nausea at bay! Mints or small pieces of candy can also help. If you don’t have an actual heating pad then get creative and put some hot water in a bottle, wrap it in a blanket and hold it against your tummy to help ease the pain.

5. Smoke a Joint

Okay, okay, before you raise your eyebrows and call the cops, smoking marijuana also helps to relieve cramps. Don’t knock it till you try it!

6. Exercising

Believe it or not, a part from the obvious health benefits, getting off your lazy butt and exercising for at least 20 minutes a day can dramatically decrease the amount of pain raining down on your uterus, if you feel any pain at all. I’m not saying hit the gym, but doing some simple exercise moves around your home for a few minutes a day can really help you out when its that time.

7. Take Birth Control Pills

Not everyone likes this option because of the side effects of taking birth control long term, but it helps! Birth control stabilizes your cycle for those of us with irregular period patterns and some also help with pain and other symptoms that tag along with the devil poking your uterus with his pitch fork. Please consult with your doctor BEFORE trying this method.

These hacks have helped me more times than I can remember! If you know of any others, feel free to comment so our fellow sisters can get help.